Hank

My name is Adam and I am one of the last. It feels like forever since I lived a normal life but it only started a month ago. His name was Hank and he was a contestant on America's Next Talent. They had never seen such a good ventriloquist before in their lives. He could take puppets and make them say all sorts of amazing things. If youtube was still around i would give you a link, but the internet has been down for two weeks. Before long Hank had won the hearts of the American people and had won the competition. He had the largest number of text votes any reality show has ever seen. Then he went on tour with all the other finalists, he headlined each show and each show was sold out. I was confused by this since I found him to be a mediocre Ventriloquist at best, and really, no one actually likes it do they? Well, turns out I was right, no one actually liked it.

On the last day, the day before the internet died 95% of the sites were dedicated to Hank. I went to a site I had known of which showed earlier editions of websites, and I found one which had come out just a week earlier, one warning of his coming. This site warned of the Ventriloquist who had uncanny powers. He could make anyone into his dummy. There were many theories on how he did this, but it seems physically erecting his arm into the cavities of others was for the most part regarded as the true method. Though I still doubt the legitimacy of such events as he wouldn't have been able to shove his arm up six billion, sorry, I digress. The site I was mentioning is now a website which labels Hank and Ron Paul for the presidency in 2012.

I first noticed it in my life when my friend Gene texted me at all hours of the night, "Have u checked out this Hank mofro? He's teh zombors!!1!" I knew something was up because Gene had a Masters in English and was a stout teetotaler. I did not reply and within half an hour my doorbell had rung. Gene was at the door, spittle and dried spittle caked his mouth, there was a vacant stare about him and he was not carrying his usual dictionary in his left hand. "Adam, Hank is teh Zombors!" I looked at my friend perplexed and then he grabbed a hold of me and with the weight of his body pushed me to the ground. We struggled for a while but I was able to wrestle his library worn shriveled carcass off of me and run for the hills.

I had a cave from my days in spelunking of which I kept a backup generator and an emergency kit in case I needed to get away for a while. I had done this once before when I didn't have the gall to tell Kelly that I wasn't interested in her anymore. So this time I came extra prepared. I have been living here in my cave dwelling for a week, I will go out once in a while to search for signs of life, I found an abandoned cafe which I can get to about once a week and use my wireless to try and get a signal. All I can find is the Hankternet however, it seems he has taken over the world. I try not to stay online too long as I'm sure they're able to track my signal. I've set up this blog full of Hank propaganda, in hopes that someone who isn't under Hank's influence can find it and tell my story, just in case we live through this. Of course I do realize my story isn't all that interesting as I've only lived in a cave dwelling for a week living off of cans of soup and sprite. But still hopefully I will be able to live a life of semblance again. Good luck to all those who are trying to fight the good fight. I will never give in to a Ventriloquist as long as I live. This is Adam, signing out, comment please.

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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, John Allred of clol Town, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, and William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden. This week's theme: 'Ventriloquism'.