Christmas Cheer

The following was written by one of my best friends, one J. Huntsman. I find it to be quite enjoyable and so shall you if you read it me thinks.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, in a recent church related meeting, it was lamented that we'd stepped away from the 'old ways' of celebrating the holidays. I was told to take time and remember the true meaning of Christmas. And as I continue each time it is brought up I tried to set up an old fashioned festival of fools, the marti gra type party that was traditionally used to celebrate this time of year filled with low humor, wine, women, and song.

You know, for the kids.

Silence. Then the inevitable: "I mean we should take time to remember the birth of Christ, not follow in the ways of the world."

Now don't get me wrong; I am all for using this time to remember Christ's birth into this world but come on, the whole idea was tagged on by the apostate church to convince them that turning christian wouldn't change their lives that much and would be good for their health (as not joining could result in an unusually messy death). Anyway since over 90% of what we use to celebrate Christmas is pagan in origin why not enjoy it to the fullest? I even suggested a fair compromise: replace liquor with juice and jello, keep all jokes at a max PG-13 level, free love becomes party games, and of course no men dressing up as women.

Besides, the traditional christian way to celebrate was mass at an hour that I have on good authority the Spirit is asleep at.

Despite all my reasonable fairness, the group was growing hostile. Finally, one smug individual said that he felt a duty to point out that Christmas was about taking care of those less fortunate and that was the truest tradition. He also said we needed to beware the negative effects of capitalism by forgetting the products and focusing on people.

Poor man didn't know my determination.

I pointed out that the idea of taking care of the poor at Christmas was not generally held by people till the 1800's when a Charles Dickens, arguably the most famous man on earth at the time and an outspoken activist for the lower classes, wrote the highly popular and widely read A Christmas Carol. Before that, only churches really helped the poor at Christmas, though in fairness usually no more than they normally did. Even the patron saint of Christmas, Nicholas, didn't do his charitable "Christmas" deed at that time of year, which I might add didn't involve good kids getting gifts but rather helping a family of girls avoid prostitution by giving them money for a dowry. Santa Claus as we now know him has roots in European pagan tradition, but was formed mostly from the poem 'Twas The Night Before Christmas commissioned by none other than Coke-a-Cola. Therefore, I argued, what could be more traditional than the capitalism that made giving to others ourselves and as the eccentric and elusive Santa so popular? Besides, I jested, the helping of young girls to wed? (it was the only thing I said that was seriously considered. sigh.)

Needless to say, I was shot down. Almost literally. Also shot down was my suggestion to give out marti gra bead necklaces at church, just to liven things up. Oh well.